Category Archives: On forgiving

Saying Good Byes Consciously by Dawn Holland

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It is a time of saying goodbye in my life. Good bye to the man I have spent 20 years with and still love dearly even though we have divorced, to family members – my daughter and mother, two of my best friends, to a business I love and built with great joy, to a home I cherish and have cared for 10 years and to many dear friends and clients I have come to care for and love over the years I have lived here in Maine. My heart aches and I shed tears regularly. No matter how ready and excited I am to move to a new state and create a new home and business, make new friends, be near family I love and have missed dearly, this time of ending, saying goodbye and leaving, is probably one of the more painful experiences in my life.

The decision to end my life here and move has been a long process that was not experienced lightly. This is a grieving process that I am moving through gently and carefully, as I make decisions about how to move onward. During this period I have experienced a reoccurrence of the anxiety that had calmed. This is because the major life changes I am experiencing means facing fears that I have avoided in the safe world in which I had been living. Part of me wants to remain “safe”, go back to what I know. But that means settling for a life that is not true to my heart and soul. I choose to head forward.

The return of anxiety has felt so frustrating and aggravating at times. I have wanted to say, “Never mind, this is too hard.” Thank goodness for all my past hard work and I am able to recognize fear for what it is. An emotion to be allowed, considered and moved through and beyond, to a place of calm again. That is what I am doing while using my breathing, my times of quiet, prayer and supportive conversations with trusted others.

There are occasions when it is easier to connect with the visualizations I am creating about my future. Other days are filled with the practical tasks of closing out the old life and there is little mind energy for anything other than a good cry. And that’s okay as I do the best I can in this brand new situation.

These conscious good byes are not easy or smooth by any means. I continue because I feel guided by something greater than me. I am able to connect with that certain “knowing within” because I have spent time with the truth and myself and have learned how to listen to wisdom when it comes. As I now move forward, connecting to knowing what is right for me, the ability to follow my chosen Path, comes more easily. This is a huge leap of trust and faith I am taking … that’s what it is all about right now!

I will continue with my good byes until the moving truck rolls down the road. I will continue to let my tears come and cleanse my aching heart. And little by little – or in leaps and bounds – I will welcome the excitement and joy that is easing it’s way into my being. There is a new normal, a different balance to be found in the way I am living. For anyone making a major life change, as I am, I hope you are being kind and loving towards yourself. Both the mind and body deserve to be honored as they are progressing towards a new beginning while letting go of the past.

How Do We Forgive?

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Forgiving – A Gift to Yourself

A Workshop For Living Peacefully

Led by Life Coach Laurel Holland

Thursday November 8th 6 – 8 pm

Held at – Rapunzel Too
1122 West Briar Drive
Richmond, VA

When you hold back forgiveness to others or to yourself, you close off from the flow of life. Join us as we explore the way to gently introduce forgiveness into our lives where we need it most. Learn how to maintain healthy boundaries and open your heart to life in essential ways that withholding forgiveness blocks. If you have any bitterness, anger or disappointment about your past, or for the present, you will find this workshop transformational.

Contact Laurel at laurelhollandh@gmail.com for more information and to register

Anxiety – A Sample of Using Emotional Energy as a Guide and Teacher

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Proudly, I welcome my sister, Dawn Jepson, as a guest writer for Focusing Inward. I believe, with certainty, that you will find her writing powerful and brave. Dawn’s bio displays at the end of her article. She will be sharing her experience monthly, taking us with her to discover the depths of how anxiety can help us heal in deep ways. Dawn works as a Consulting Hypnotist and has been practicing the art of sitting still with herself for more than 20 years.
Thank you Dawn for your willingness to share the depths of your inner world as a way to serve and support others on their inward journey.

In this article you will find demonstrations of important practices that I refer to often in my writing. They are:

* Consciously choosing to tune into your emotional content, staying still long enough to see what your inner world reveals.
* Consciously reviewing past choices, allowing feelings to arise.
* Consciously reviewing past choices, allowing thoughts to arise, withholding judgment. Just watching.
* Asking questions from a detached perspective, like what might have been happening that I made those choices back then?
* Experiencing the enlightening moment when suddenly you see a deep truth about being human. A truth that illuminates your world in new ways.

What most powerfully moves me with this piece from Dawn is, perhaps it is wise to sit with your anxiety, invite it to reveal something beyond the anxious feeling, something that may guide you to understand yourself better and have the opportunity to cultivate a lasting inner peace through acknowledging your true complexity of feelings.


Facing the Depths of Anxiety – A Moment of Enlightenment
by Dawn Jepson, Consulting Hypnotist

Very early Sunday morning I was paying attention to the typical anxious feeling I have been getting daily for years. While slight anxiety has been a part of my life for as early as I can remember, it was never truly bothersome until peri-menopause. In the last year (and I am well into menopause now) it has become so disturbing I have let my doctor help me by prescribing medication I can take if the anxiety gets too disruptive.

This Sunday I decided to skip the medication and just lie quietly with the feeling of anxiety and see what happened. This isn’t the first time I have tried this … usually it leads to random disjointed thinking. Rarely is it pleasant or helpful (that I can tell).

As I decided to let go, this Sunday morning, and ride with the anxiety feeling, I noticed it was somewhat different … it was more open and expansive. Without any effort on my part, the anxious feeling gently guided me back to the first time I ever drank alcohol. As I went with my feelings and memories the anxiety temporarily subsided. Surprisingly, I was able to relax into the remembering. I floated backward and forward from the specific memory of being 13 or 14 years old, taking my first drink, to a general time period 20 years ago (at 38 years old), when I made a significantly life changing choice. As I calmly lay there, I found myself briefly reviewing my experiences of alcohol involving sex, especially casual sexual encounters, during that 20-year period. Anytime there were ones missed, I automatically was “brought” back to each one of them. They all seemed to – have to be noted – given my attention. Each experience was lightly, briefly observed/remembered.

Once I had fully completed the experience of remembering, I felt a huge sense of remorse and regret fill me. Like never before in my life … along with some lighter guilt and shame.

At that point it seemed natural that I “should” apologize to all those people who were directly and indirectly involved in those experiences, ask for their forgiveness. I was assuming I had hurt them all greatly. But I realized I have done this “asking others for forgiveness” many, many times. I have made my amends, so to speak.

Instead it felt more appropriate to go back to simply staying with the feelings of regret and remorse. To keep reviewing the casualness I acted with towards others feelings and emotions. Throughout all of this I kept receiving extraordinary waves of disbelief – shock that I could have done what I did; the alcohol and casual sex, carelessly dealing with others feelings and wants with no thought to how they might feel about my actions and behavior. And … the disrespect that I showed myself by making these behavior choices.

As I gradually began to come more and more alert to the moment, I tried to psychologically process why I behaved the way I did all those years ago – for over a 20-year time period!!! But then found myself quickly discarding my psychoanalysis, since I seemed to deeply know that it was more of a soul cause that triggered my behavior. I left alone the need to know “why.”

Still I was left with a feeling of being literally stunned in regard to the complete thoughtlessness, the casualness with which I made the decision to have sex and drink so carelessly. And not only that, but how uncaring I was with others feelings. This, above all else, from my experience, dominated.

The power of conscious choice became so clear to me in that span of time.

But now I am left with the wondering; “what do I do with all those memories and feelings of my past decisions and choices, where I hurt others, where I hurt myself?” How do I move on, forgive myself and truly, let go? The sadness I feel is so deep. Is it fueling, or helping to fuel, the anxiety that I live with and struggle with each and every day?

Again and again I think about all those years when I felt so free to take those actions and engage in those behaviors without regard for the future and how it would affect me, and others, one day.

And now I am left asking myself – how do I come to feel cleansed and move forward in my life with inner peace?
　

Dawn Jepson – Bio
As a Consulting Hypnotist since 1997, Dawn Jepson holds an alternative doctoral degree in Clinical Hypnotherapy and is registered with the National Guild of Hypnotists. She earned a Bachelor of Science Degree in Human Services and an Associate Degree in Mental Health.

Dawn works with individuals and groups. During private sessions, speaking engagements, and workshops she assists people in realizing their ability to reach their full potential through self-hypnosis, deep relaxation and suggestion. The primary intention of her work is to encourage each person to move closer in affirming their personal goals, thus enhancing their life.

Kindness as a Way of Life

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Monday July 16th.

Today I feel sick. Today I cancel a phone appointment. Today I sit briefly and sense my physical discomfort. I watch my breath for a short time and then I lie down with a book about spiritual materialism. I read 2 chapters. I lie still and close my eyes. I am too uncomfortable to fall asleep. I go to the family room and tuck myself into the big chair in front of the television and I watch 2 Oprah shows that I had recorded months ago and never given myself the time to watch. One is of Sidney Poitier talking about his young life. The other is about Gloria Steinem, talking about her life and sharing her experience in a world 50 years ago when women’s paychecks were given to their husbands. I am distracted from my physical discomfort and transported into the lives of others for a time. Thank you Oprah. I shower and put on comfy pajamas. I head to my office to write.

A few months ago I would have tried to carry on with my day the way I had planned. Inside, I would have been disappointed, let down with myself for not feeling energetic enough to carry on as planned. I would have thought about how I now feel behind on my work and my project. I would have focused on a sense of loss of time and progress. This thinking would have led me into frustration and more disappointment with self. This would have caused more fatigue as well an urge to do more, be more. This would have been unconscious and unnecessary pressure that I inflict upon myself from within.

Today, I simply make choices that reflect the truth of my condition. I am aware of my old patterns, what my past choices have been, and the urge to act on any of it, the feelings of letting myself down, simply are not there. Inside, my meditation practice comes into full force in the moment. There is awareness, acceptance and choice. Today I choose kindness.

My head is starting to hurt, a headache in the back of my head. I sense that I may be hungry, but it is hard to determine this with certainty since my digestive system feels distressed. I will stop writing and go to the kitchen and see if my being is interested in some food, perhaps some soup. That thought appeals. This is how I will spend the rest of my day, listening from within, offering kindness to myself. It feels good to be treating myself this way. I can feel a twinge of guilt pushing at the edges. When others don’t have the luxury of staying home and caring for self while sick, why should I? I see the thought there, pushing towards me, but I just watch it. It’s okay Laurel. It’s okay Laurel. It’s all okay. Just watch.

I see that I am forgiving myself, but not. I sit and watch the disappointment hovering, but it doesn’t really enter into my emotional system. I have not really disappointed myself, so the need to forgive is not really there. I am circumventing forgiving, by allowing and accepting. I do not engage the hurtful, judgmental parts before the forgiving, the parts that I would have felt the need to forgive, like the internally imposed pressure and expectations. Ah, that’s a big awareness. I didn’t hurt myself by imposing expectations, by suffering through not meeting my old standards. This is a subtle but profound shift into a deeper kindness.

Perhaps kindness is even more powerful than I understood before today. Thank you Laurel, for your kindness.

Mistakes Welcome

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Early this Monday morning I sent my niece off for a week visiting her top three college choices with my most sage advice. “Just imagine yourself being there in college while you are visiting, and see if it feels right. You can always change your mind if you don’t choose well the first time.” Her Mom, my sister, and I talked about this at the kitchen table before an early morning departure. Her Dad and I talked about the pressures of “exceptional performance” that morning as well, and the scary places it can drive us if we don’t know how to deal with the stress of “perfectionism”, a consistent message that is often received from the culture. Later that morning I reflected about my past choices – the ones I would call mistakes today – had I not come to appreciate what I learned from those “mistakes”.

My first college choice was ill-fitting. I transferred at the end of my freshman year. When I remember what I can from back then, I can’t imagine how I might have chosen differently. Aware of my parameters when I made the decision, I could not have known that the first choice wouldn’t work until I lived there. What I learned about myself was valuable. During that freshman college year I realized that I wanted life balance, that I loved mathematics and was quite talented in that academic area. My need for connection was apparent as I found myself unable to make meaningful connections with the young women there. I could feel my need for independence growing while I relied on my mother to bring me home nearly every weekend, not wanting to partake in the kind of socializing at that campus. I learned much from this college “mistake”.

My first “real” job as a cost accountant brought me much frustration and disappointment. The corporate world saddened me and shocked me at times. One of the first things that I learned from this was an appreciation of my father’s commitment to care for his family by going to work in this world everyday – simultaneously wanting to find another way to make a living, attempting his own ventures. It was as if my heart and soul were being crushed in that atmosphere. When I left that job, I inwardly vowed that I would never return to that work or that life, that I would find something that suited me better. The only other time I took a job purely for money, I was miserable, ever-so-grateful that the need was short-lived. My deep desire to raise children became my full-time commitment, then part-time as appropriate. When I did develop a new career, I honored that inner vow, finding work that suited me well so that I could contribute in ways that felt honorable. That job “mistake” became my training ground for understanding who I wasn’t, as well as what I valued. What a rich “mistake” that one was.

My first marriage lasted twenty years and because of that union, three wonderful, bright and talented individuals are in the world today. They are three of my closest friends and confidants. Their presence enriches my life in countless ways. For years I felt I had failed as a wife because I needed to move on from that marriage. My bravery and determination to deeply understand where these feelings came from and how to release them, though a long journey, became empowering acts. During the time I was married, I shared a supportive connection with my husband, parented as a team and learned how to divorce with grace and integrity. I learned how to listen to my inner world and honor what was emerging from the depths of my heart and soul. This ability, which required great courage, meant I learned the nuances of walking the inner path. Traveling the inner path is what I teach with great understanding and proficiency today. Wow, did I learn richly about life through that “mistake”.

Bring on the mistakes. Mistakes can be heart-breaking, gut-wrenching and downright discombobulating. They are truly the stuff that life is made of, because they are the some of the richest food for self-growth. Hopefully you are not throwing your food away :)

For women readers, here is a link to a blog that I found provocative. I do not agree with Mama Gena that “women suck at making decisions”, but some of what she says reflects the conditioning we often experience when we are learning to find our power and voice. And she affirms my decision to allow mistakes! Click here for her message.

Forgiving More

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Anger lessons 101, 2, 3, 4, and more.

When we feel angry, we are perceiving that our boundaries have been violated. Our boundaries are the edges of the containers we create to bind our life in certain ways. Boundaries are intended to create safety and enhance our life experience. Sometimes these boundaries are hard to recognize because they are not seemingly concrete, often connected to our value system. We must allow our minds to loosen, to think in abstraction, to learn to see how we have “created” these edges to us. In understanding that boundaries are self-made, we become empowered to change them according to the changes we undergo as we grow.

If we feel anger, and believe our boundaries have been violated, then in order to heal from this, we must: 1) acknowledge the feelings, 2) acknowledge the situation, 3) notice the way the violation occurred, 4) move the boundaries as required to honor what is important and alleviate further anger and 5) forgive the transgression. All of these steps must be taken in order to avoid trapping ourselves in a web of anger and bitterness.

I write about this because I recently found myself in a trap of my own bitterness. Yet again, as I remained focused on the other person(s) involved, I was unable to see my part in it. As I sorted through this inside myself, I finally made my way slowly through the steps listed above. Not until I reached the final step did I begin to feel some inner resolution.

1) Acknowledge the feelings. In this case I felt indignation. Indignation is anger, but it has a strong thread of judgment running through it. I knew I was stuck in a right-wrong scenario but I was so busy being right, I wasn’t focusing on the anger. But that feeling would not go away. Pop! There it was every time I sat down to be still, up popped the feeling and quickly into my head I went with the story of it all and how I felt right in my position. I knew this was getting me nowhere fast but I seemed stuck there. And I was. I didn’t move on to the other steps. I just kept rerunning through my mind the parts of the situation about the behaviors that were really upsetting to me. And I want it to change, I want them to own their behaviors and I want them to be sorry too. Oh well. I want, I want. Temper tantrum done, hopefully for the last time.
2) Acknowledge the situation. Finally I backed myself up and returned to the whole situation. I traveled back to the beginning where my feelings were hurt, where I perceived boundaries being violated and where I felt helpless to do anything. In my review, I remembered that I chose to do nothing at that time. I had wanted it to be different, I wanted others to act on my behalf, and they did not. So be it. Now I feel the hurt and acknowledge the whole thing. This involves crying and not anger. I feel sad, and disappointed and hurt. I stay with the feelings in their fullness, letting it all wash through, again. It’s not the first time I got to this step and felt all this, but then I got stuck in this step, finally backing up to the anger where I started. And here I stayed in the angry-sad loop.
3) Notice the way the violation occurred. This week I finally got here fully. I had entered this territory but not stayed with it long enough. In acknowledging the way the violation occurred, I notice what my boundary was that felt violated. I notice the values I live by and want others to live by too (oh yeah, those values are mine that I wish others would live by, oops). I notice what expectations I placed on whom and how they “let me down”. I acknowledge that I did not address all this immediately, letting it fester into a bitterness that comes and goes for me around these people. Because I had not forgiven them for what I considered a transgression, the anger remained. I believe these individuals have no awareness that this is my point of view. I will not share all this with them because I do not trust them with my feelings. Because I choose to handle the situation in this manner, it is my healing path to walk alone. And it is my work to get through all these steps and be finished with it.
4) Move the boundaries to honor what is important and alleviate further anger. Although I cannot go back and change the situation, I can acknowledge that my boundaries were in the “wrong” place for me – I know this today but did not then. In my review, I recognize that these relationships were new and I held hope for the best, that others would share my value system and behave in ways that seemed considerate. I had not moved the boundaries with them up to this point because it was important for me to be fully available to whatever might develop, always hoping it would be a reciprocal interest to grow a meaningful relationship. As I accept that this is not what has developed and as I accept my part in my on-going anger about what feels like inconsiderate behavior, I am led to realize the boundaries must change or I have trapped myself in my own web of bitterness. I choose not to live this way. It is my responsibility to change the boundaries.
5) Forgive the transgression. How do I soften my heart and allow a letting go to take place? I must do this gently, again and again, as many times as it takes to release the bitterness and any anger. I must remember that each interaction, each hurt, and each boundary violation are over. What I am forgiving is the past. What I am letting be is done. I hold my part in my heart and soften to this too. I remember what I was struggling with at the time, how I truly wanted to be open to the best for us all. And I acknowledge how my unexpressed anger moved into indignation and bitterness, pulling me into judgment, a place of incredible discomfort for me. I must see it ALL as complete. I allow it all inside; I forgive the lack of consciousness around everyone’s choices. Each time, the anger or bitterness surfaces, I open my heart and remember, it is all in the past. I accept each individual’s part in it, I allow it all, and I forgive us for not being kinder, more aware, more forthright, whatever else comes up that feels like it fell short in those situations. And I remember it is done. I forgive. And I will again, as long as I need to, until the bitterness and anger are finally washed away.

Today is a new day. I am setting new boundaries. I don’t know how it will all go. I don’t know if my new behavior will seem strange to others. I don’t know if my new behavior will hurt anyone. I don’t want it too. All I can do is set boundaries that honor my values, that tell the world, I can or cannot be a part of certain situations according to what feels honorable and true to me. I can keep my boundaries flexible, allowing more change and remaining open to how anything can happen as things change. I can move and respond in a fluid way, allowing, accepting and caring deeply for myself as well as others. As I live in this world, setting healthy boundaries, my boundaries tell everyone I want the highest good for us all.

Forgiveness – A Gift of Freedom

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Thinking about holiday gifts? Consider this one. The gift of forgiveness is the most freeing gift you can give yourself and others.

Where we cannot forgive is where our hearts have closed to life. It is essential to look at this because it is where we have shut out life from coming in. When we feel ready to attend to those places where we have said no to life, we can sit in quiet and simply ask inside, where do I hold anger today? Make a list of what comes up, do not edit it, just list. This is your trail to feeling free inside, to opening to the possibilities of more than you can imagine right now.

Let us not mistake forgiveness for other things.
When we forgive, we do not forget.
When we forgive we are not saying what happened was okay.
When we forgive it does not mean that we will have a relationship in the future with someone who has harmed us.
When we forgive it does not mean that our life will change automatically on the outside.
When we forgive it does not mean that we are taking responsibility for something someone else has done.
When we forgive we do not immediately feel all better.

What forgiveness does mean is this.
We have determined we are not going to let the past dictate the present.
We accept the past simply for what it was.
We take responsibility for setting boundaries in life with everyone around us.
We no longer want to blame anyone for our life condition.
We realize we have authentic power to create the quality of life we truly desire.
We do not wish for revenge, we wish for internal peace.
We accept others flaws and choices even when we disagree with them or find them disagreeable.
We act according to our own rulebook of life.
We aspire to feel whole and happy without limitations imposed by our history.

How do we forgive?
We decide we want to, even if we don’t like the idea.
We see our past as over, knowing that holding onto anger only keeps it alive.
We accept others and ourselves, saying it was what it was.
We determine what we want in life and focus on those possibilities rather than attending to the past.
We inwardly determine that we release ourselves from needing anything from anyone in order to be happy.
We feel all the feelings associated with our grievance, and we express that emotion fully without harming another.
We do not seek revenge or an apology.
We know we are proceeding in our forgiving process as we become aware that we no longer spend much time or energy with the idea or memory of the grievance. We can feel a softening within when we remember. We may begin to see the past in a different light, with new eyes. We feel stronger about our future and our ability to create what we want.

Forgiving is a process, a journey. It is one of the great journeys of life, teaching us much about our capacity for love and healing. Whatever has happened to cause the journey becomes one of our greatest teachers about the human spirit and its potential to open the heart and let go. In that letting go we are free to travel into the future unbound from emotional and mental burdens that weigh us down and hold us back. In truth, forgiveness is the great gift that we give ourselves, a gift we all deserve to have.

Self-forgiving

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Self-forgiveness. How do we do this? What I do know is that doing it is absolutely essential in our process of becoming our best/highest selves. Sometimes I even wonder if it is what living as humans is really all about. I certainly have had my challenges with it; and nearly everyone that I work with struggles to forgive, especially himself or herself. How did we come to be such harsh self-critics?

I suppose there are as many answers to this as there are people. I always have clients look at their families as well as our culture. It is a core part of our social structure to judge. Most of our institutions are integrated with our legal system now. And in this integration process we have come to view so much through the “right or wrong” lens. Right – you win, wrong – you lose. Just like a court case. Even our family lives our riddled with this skewing. Our behavior has become right/wrong, good/bad vs. inappropriate, immature, unconscious, or otherwise. With this right/wrong labeling comes a sense of shame and guilt. Unfortunately, the shame and guilt has been misused to lead us to become harsh, and often unforgiving, judges of ourselves rather than monitors of our behaviors, followed up with behavior changes as we recognize our infractions towards others.

When I discuss self-forgiveness, guilt becomes the main subject. Here is how I talk about this much misunderstood emotion. Guilt is good for two things; to help us modify future behavior and to help us make amends. If we are feeling guilty about something, we need to look at the event/issue. Determining how our behavior was inappropriate/hurtful, we examine our part in the process. In a healthy model, we take responsibility for our part, whoever else is involved takes responsibility for theirs and then we modify behaviors in order to no longer repeat actions that cause us to feel guilty or poorly about ourselves. Secondly, we say we are sorry- apologize – make amends for our infractions in a heartfelt manner. Again, in a healthy relationship, the behaviors change, so we are not repeatedly making amends for the same thing(s) again and again. If we find ourselves doing this, repeatedly apologizing, we need to look at this action. Are we unable to follow through on change or are we apologizing for simply being? Either way it is an issue that calls for our attention.

Inability to follow through on change indicates lack of commitment or confusion of true desires. Both of these areas can be complex issues, requiring individual attention, not to be addressed here. But what I will say is that in a relationship in which one person is not able to, or does not, make change, it is a fairly clear signal that their commitment to themselves is greater than their commitment to the relationship. This is not right or wrong, just is. How it impacts the “other” in the relationship becomes the dance of the relationship, thus creating what may or may not be a viable relationship – more on this at another time.

Apologizing for simply being indicates a lack of self-confidence and worthiness. This often comes from a childhood or relationships where the individual was seen as a burden, taking up space and resources just by being alive. This can happen when parents do not have healthy and abundant energy to fulfill the parenting role well. In the extreme cases, parents are abusive, mistreating children in ways that cause the child to feel that they are wrong or bad without the maturity and discernment to understand that it is about behavior (perhaps not even theirs but their parents behavior) and not who they are. This can impact our core sense of self. In these cases, our healing comes through relearning our worthiness and lovability. Not always easy, but always worth the effort and time invested. Because the truth is, we are all worthy and lovable.

In my times of pondering behaviors that cause guilt, I have come to believe most of our actions that cause us future guilt are a result of our immature desires to be loved, to be recognized, to be seen and heard, to be accepted, to be understood and to feel all of these things deeply. It is often our egocentric behaviors seeking these fulfillments in ways that ultimately won’t get us there, but are often unconscious attempts to do so, that cause us our guilt. As I considered my own weaknesses and past behaviors, I am well aware that I wanted to love and be loved, deeply and openly. I wanted to be heard and accepted just as I am. My intentions were never to cause others harm or distress, but to fulfill my neediness before I learned to fulfill it myself through self-love and self-acceptance. And then through that self-love and self-acceptance, develop a life that reflected well my strengths and desires.

The path of self-forgiveness frees up energy to be utilized for living our best life. It can open our minds and hearts to thinking, creating and acting in new and inspired ways as we release our ties to the past and the heaviness of judgments. Deeply forgiving ourselves and others through on-going life review, making peace with past hurts and releasing our need to judge are all gifts that we can give to ourselves; we need no one’s permission to engage in these processes and access the freedom that waits beyond.